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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27531217">the placebo effect</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamleting/pseuds/hamleting'>hamleting</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Smoking, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Supernatural Elements</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-08 06:41:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,989</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27531217</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamleting/pseuds/hamleting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Renjun had always known why his soulmate mark was black instead of red, it wasn't in his plans to consider other possibilities. </p><p>Least of all at a party. </p><p><em>Least of all</em> because of some asshole who spilled wine on him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>245</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Challenge #3 — soulmates</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the placebo effect</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Renjun likes to think people are, ultimately, a collection of decisions. It's a simple idea — cause and effect, every action leads to an inevitable consequence. But if somebody asked him what led him to make the decision to go with Jaemin to the party of, quote, <em>a friend of a friend</em>, then he wouldn't be so sure as to why he thought it was a good one. And with every ticking of the clock, drowned by electronic music that shouldn't be allowed at that volume, Renjun thinks, it definitely was a <em>bad</em> decision.</p><p>But it's too late to back up now. Mainly because Jaemin bribed him with some ethiopian coffee beans to be his — God forgive — <em>wingman</em>, and now has him by his side on an imaginary leash. Not that Renjun knew anyone else at that party, anyway.</p><p>"You see, it really is about stardust, in the end," his friend is saying to the object of his desire, some skinny guy with strong eyebrows, as the three of them are squeezed on the overcrowded couch, "I did my fair share of research about it, you could say I'm a <em>connoisseur</em>."</p><p>"Wow, you speak french?" Eyebrow Guy looks genuinely impressed, either by Jaemin's tacky seduction tactics or the way he is also using their limited space to brush his knee against his. Renjun would rather give him the benefit of the doubt.</p><p>Jaemin shrugs casually, giving a sip to his fizzy drink, "I'm only on B2. Anyway, I wrote a whole paper about it last year, teachers loved it. Tell me, have you seen one, in person?"</p><p>This is Renjun's cue. It's not the first time Jaemin asks him to show off his mark to impress some guy with his academic talk. Eyebrow guy shakes his head, eyes all glazed and shiny, bless him, and Renjun rolls up the sleeve of his cardigan to show him the thin lines that bloom from his wrist. He wouldn't call it a star, nor a flower, nor anything concrete, really. The lines go outwards from the same center, twisting and turning on themselves like threads of smoke, all contained in an invisible circle the size of a thumb.</p><p>"Woah, that's so cool," the guy says, leaning in to see Renjun's mark better and also to brush his shoulder against Jaemin's, "Wait, why is it black? I thought they were red."</p><p>Ah, here it comes. This specific part, at least, Jaemin lets him explain himself.</p><p>"It means they died."</p><p>It's not a big deal. It never was a big deal for him. Being born with a soulmate mark was already rare, but having your soulmate die the minute you were born was even more so, which meant Renjun truly was a one in a million case, both incredibly lucky <em>and</em> unlucky. And it wouldn't be a bother if it wasn't for that look everyone gave him. The look eyebrow guy is giving him right now.</p><p>"Soulmates are overrated," Renjun jokes, just like he always does, "There's no fun in knowing how the story will end."</p><p>"Exactly, where's the excitement, the uncertainty, the…"</p><p>This is his second cue. Renjun gets up silently and excuses himself, being done with his <em>wingman</em> duties for the night. After going to the bathroom only to find it locked he decides on the second best place to hide — the kitchen. The apartment is terribly small for the ambitious guest list of the owner, so Renjun practically has to shrink himself to half his size to walk through the narrow corridor.</p><p>It feels like a victory when he finally steps on the dirty kitchen tiles — or it would feel like one if it wasn't for the asshole who appears out of nowhere and accidentally spills his drink on Renjun's shirt. The asshole has the nerve to let out an annoyed grunt.</p><p>"My drink," he complains, giving a sorrowful look at his half-empty glass of wine.</p><p>"A <em>sorry</em> would be nice."</p><p>"You were the one who came barging into the kitchen, not me."</p><p>The guy sounds serious about it, which makes Renjun want to throw the rest of the wine to his face. He doesn't, partly because he's a pacifist and partly because he doesn't think he would win a fight against someone with such broad shoulders.</p><p>"Excuse me," he says instead, hopefully with enough spite, before going towards the sink. The guy disappears just as quickly, maybe for the best. It really wasn't a lot of wine that stained his shirt, a mere splatter, but Renjun would feel less sore about it if he had apologized.</p><p>He goes back to his original task — finding something to entertain himself with for about half an hour before calling it a night. Jaemin's <em>friend of a friend</em> had told them there were some jello shots in the fridge and Renjun decides it's the perfect solution. He won't be like the other savages, so he looks for an actual spoon before going back to the crowded living room. Jaemin and Eyebrow Guy are still deep in conversation, giggling the night away. Young people.</p><p>The balcony seems to be fairly empty, though. The view isn't much, being a seventh floor, but the breeze is nice and there's plants, so, what more could he ask. He goes to the farthest corner to avoid the flow of people and starts eating his jelly. He's not a fan. The thing breaks into a million pieces at the slightest touch and it's not very savory, so he ends up merely staring at the little cubes that glint like minerals in a cave.</p><p>He hears the door slide open and looks up. He hadn't realized he was alone, and now he wishes he had cause then it would be less obvious if he made an escape.</p><p>The asshole closes the door behind him and starts walking to Renjun's corner, uninterested gaze lost in the buildings across the street, hand taking a pack of cigarettes from the inside of his leather jacket. Renjun must have made a sound with his spoon because the asshole looks at him and stops.</p><p>"Oh," he says. His eyebrows do a funny thing before he raises the pack of cigarettes at him, "Want one?"</p><p>"I'm eating jelly." Renjun makes it sound like it is a very obvious thing, like it's very idiotic of him to offer a cigarette to someone who's eating some jelly, and the guy mumbles something like <em>just trying to be polite</em> as he turns away from him and leans over the railing. Renjun looks back at the red little cubes. Well, he <em>had</em> to eat them now. Either that or go back inside, but then he'd let the asshole win, and Renjun had found that corner first.</p><p>They stay in silence, the asshole filling his lungs with smoke and Renjun filling his stomach with what feels like mashed worms. Not even cars pass by, and Renjun starts to feel self-conscious whenever he scratches the spoon against the glass and it makes a clinking sound. It makes him mad, he shouldn't feel self-conscious towards some asshole who spilled wine on him.</p><p>"You could've just said <em>sorry</em>." It's out there before Renjun can stop himself. His words offer him a mocking grin before running out of his mouth and straight at the asshole, who turns to him with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>"Sorry?"</p><p>"Yeah, <em>sorry</em>."</p><p>"No, I mean, I didn't hear what you said."</p><p>Whatever position of power Renjun may have held was gone now, dissipating into the night like the smoke coming out of the asshole's mouth.</p><p>"I said, you could've said <em>sorry</em>. When you spilled your wine, on me."</p><p>"You're still thinking about that?"</p><p>Renjun can hardly hide his amazement at the sheer audacity of the guy. He gives him a disbelieving look before shaking his head, "Nevermind."</p><p>The asshole leans against the railing again, elbows resting on the edge like he's in some photoshoot. It makes Renjun even madder.</p><p>"You're right," the asshole says after a whole minute, "I'm sorry."</p><p>"Wow, you've really melted my heart there."</p><p>"What more do you want from me? I'm already having a bad day."</p><p>"Yeah, you and me both."</p><p>Oh, geat, now the asshole was lighting another cigarette, and Renjun still had half a glass full of jelly. He decides to keep on scraping the sides of the glass, hopefully to get on his nerves.</p><p>"Couldn't handle one jello shot?"</p><p>Alright, now Renjun really <em>hated</em> this guy.</p><p>"I can handle it, I just decide not to. Besides, it doesn't even have alcohol, my friend's friend told me. He just says it does so people think they get drunk, works as a placebo."</p><p>"Really?" It's a question but he makes it sound like an affirmation with just a hint of scepticism, the kind of thing that could make Renjun throw his pacifist ideals through the window.</p><p>"Yeah, really. If I wanted to get drunk at a party I'd choose something stronger, although not as pretentious as a glass of wine."</p><p><em>Ha!</em> Renjun thinks, chest filling up with pride at his ability to come up with such a witty comeback. But the guy doesn't even look offended. Even worse, he <em>laughs</em>.</p><p>"Nice one, but I wasn't drinking wine."</p><p>Renjun doesn’t get to ask what exactly he was drinking because the door slides open again, and Jaemin’s head pops out. “Ah, there you are.” He goes towards Renjun without closing the door, letting the music run over the tense atmosphere. Jaemin only glances at the asshole before breaking the big news to Renjun, “He invited me to his place.”</p><p>Jaemin stares at him, expectant, as if Renjun hadn’t known this was going to be the outcome all along. “Good for you?”</p><p>“Will you be okay?”</p><p>Renjun huffs out his embarrassment, eyes moving by their own accord towards the asshole who’s watching the situation rather amusedly, “I’m an adult.”</p><p>“Doesn’t hurt to ask. Well, don’t wait up for me.” Jaemin offers him an unnecessary wink before turning to the asshole, “You better take care of him, Nono.”</p><p>“If I must.”</p><p>Jaemin exits the balcony, closing the door and leaving them to their isolated silence. Renjun furrows his eyebrows, “You two know each other?”</p><p>“I guess you could say he’s <em>a friend of a friend</em>. Seen him here a couple times… the benefits of sharing flat with a social butterfly.”</p><p>“Oh, you <em>live</em> here. That makes sense.” <em>Nono</em> gives him a funny look. “Didn’t seem like you willingly decided to be here, is what I mean.”</p><p>“Quite right. And I suppose you didn’t come here just to eat some placebo jelly?”</p><p><em>Funny</em>. It was kind of funny, he has to admit.</p><p>“I’m actually on duty. Wingman services.”</p><p>“Ah,” Nono gives his cigarette a drag as he nods, “Looks like your services were of great help.”</p><p>“It’s not like I did much, just show off some skin.” Renjun wishes he’d chosen his words more carefully, because now Nono is wearing a particular kind of grin that makes him want to disintegrate. “Not <em>that</em> kind of skin. I showed them my mark.”</p><p>“Mark? As in—”</p><p>“Yes, that. Very rare, I know, don’t even start.”</p><p>Nono turns towards him, making the delicate chain around his neck catch the light. It’s only now Renjun notices it, and he tries not letting his gaze linger too much on it or on the exposed collarbone he gets to see under his black shirt. “You don’t like having one?”</p><p>Again, it should be a question but he says it like an affirmation. This time there’s no skepticism, though. “Having what, a mark or a soulmate? Who, by the way, I’ll never have the pleasure to meet since they were already dead when I came to this world.”</p><p>It comes out more bitter than he intended. He’s already expecting to get the usual pitiful look, but it never comes.</p><p>“What makes you think that?”</p><p>“The mark is black,” Renjun explains tiredly, “If they were alive, it would be red.”</p><p>“No, I know, but what makes you think you’ll never meet them?”</p><p>“You’re joking, right?”</p><p>Nono shrugs, putting out the last of his cigarette against the railing before throwing it in an empty pot, “Dead doesn’t mean non-existing.”</p><p>“Are you suggesting I go looking for some ghost?”</p><p>“I wouldn't say something as immaterial as a ghost, but who knows?”</p><p>Renjun huffs, “Wouldn’t have guessed you had a thing for the supernatural, <em>Nono</em>.”</p><p>“Ah, please don’t call me that,” he says with a wince, “My roommate introduces me like that cause he knows I hate it… just call me Jeno. What’s your name?”</p><p>“Renjun.”</p><p>“Well, Renjun, you shouldn’t lose hope.”</p><p>Renjun shakes his head, going back to scrape at the corners of his glass, “Why is everyone so fixated on the idea that having a soulmate is a good thing? I don’t want some higher force telling me who I should be with, nor that I should be with someone in order to achieve some sense of fulfillment.”</p><p>“You’re right.”</p><p>“Besides, you could meet someone you like but turn them down just because you don’t share the same mark, or worse, stick with someone because you do. I bet lots of people fool themselves into believing they are in love with their soulmate even if they aren’t."</p><p>“Like a placebo?”</p><p>“Yeah, exactly.”</p><p>“They get drunk on virgin jelly.”</p><p>Renjun half smiles as he looks up, not expecting to find Jeno already looking at him, and he catches something in his eyes. It’s too fast for Renjun to see it properly, but it’s there, a fleeting moment of familiarity in the way they shine, the way his head is a bit tilted to the side. It takes Renjun a moment to collect himself.</p><p>“Anyway, that’s my answer. No, I’m not ecstatic about having one, but it’s not like I would let it define my life.”</p><p>Jeno nods, returning his gaze to the blinking lights of the buildings. “They say the mark appears where your soulmate last touched you, on your other life. What’s your opinion on that?”</p><p>“Could be, could be not,” Renjun says with a shrug, “We’ll never know.”</p><p>They remain silent for a while. A single car passes by, sending hushed sounds into the night. Jeno moves to rest his elbows on the railing and his chain swings, back and forth, back and forth, stealing the moonlight and reflecting it back towards Renjun, and for a moment the light catches his eye and paints an image for him, an image drenched in daylight and Spring, flowers falling from trees like yellow snow, the glinting of a silver necklace under a perfect smile. Then it’s gone just as fast, running to hide behind the moon, and Renjun is left with a tightening sense of forlorn in his chest.</p><p>“It’s so quiet,” Jeno says. “So still. Almost looks like nobody lives here anymore.”</p><p>Renjun just looks at him. A light breeze sweeps Jeno’s hair before kissing Renjun’s cheeks, and he shivers.</p><p>“So still,” Jeno continues. “Sometimes I wonder, will it be like this when all beings are gone? A silent night, hugging the world with her eternal arms, the only movement coming from the traffic lights like a delayed heartbeat… waiting.”</p><p>Renjun barely dares to move, to breathe, as Jeno’s words resonate inside of him. “Sounds lonely.”</p><p>Jeno nods almost imperceptibly, as if not wanting to disrupt the perfect stillness that surrounds them. But then the door slides open and the stillness is broken, music comes flowing from the apartmentent, a few people step into the balcony with loud laughter and drinks in their hands. Renjun feels himself letting out a breath, shaking his head confusedly.</p><p>"I should go," he says. He scrapes the spoon against the glass again, pondering his next words. "Could you walk me to the bus? I'm not so sure where the stop is."</p><p>Jeno looks surprised for a moment. Then he looks at his wristwatch, and Renjun feels a wave of embarrassment take over him.</p><p>"Sorry, that was out of place—"</p><p>"No, no, I'll walk you there," Jeno says quickly, "Just wanted to see how much time I had."</p><p>Renjun doesn't question this. They leave the party and let the silent night swallow their footsteps, only two moving figures on the deserted streets. Jeno walks with his head bowed, hands in his pockets, taking short steps despite his long legs. And it makes sense. It's the only thought that pops up in Renjun's head. It wouldn't make sense if he walked in any other way.</p><p>They barely have time to talk before they catch sight of the bus in the distance. It's about a block away when Renjun looks up at Jeno, brows furrowed in uncertainty. "I know it's stupid for me to ask this now, but have we met before?"</p><p>Renjun gets to see the lights of the bus reflected in Jeno's eyes, in the delicate chain around his neck, as it approaches. Jeno shakes his head, "No, it's not stupid."</p><p>The bus makes a rumbling sound as it comes closer, and Jeno signals for it to stop. There's something in the back of Renjun's mind, a low whisper which words he can't make out, as Jeno gives him a small smile. "See you around."</p><p>Renjun nods, suddenly feeling like he's underwater. "See you around."</p><p>He turns to get on the bus, and just as Jeno passes next to him he feels a cold, gentle touch on his wrist. He stays paralized for half a second, breath dying in his throat, before climbing quickly inside.</p><p>It's only when he's sitting down that he dares look down at his arm, his heart beating rapidly against his chest. His mark is still there when he rolls up the sleeve of his cardigan, delicate black traces contained in an invisible circle the size of a thumb, but now holding within itself the cold and immortal hint of a familiar touch.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi!! this was my first time participating in a little wonder fest and it was so fun!! thank you so much for reading, hope you liked it ♡</p><p>
  <a href="https://twitter.com/cryojun">twt</a>
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  <a href="https://curiouscat.me/hamleting_">cc</a>
</p></blockquote></div></div>
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